Everyone is different and every mom can have a different way of doing things. This doesn’t necessarily mean one way is better than the other. As long as your kids are loved, cared for, safe, taken care of and healthy – there are a lot of different ways to do things. There are different parenting styles and approaches – that are all valid. But as a mom, it can be so easy to fall into comparing yourself to the other moms around you. It can be easy to feel guilt as a mom too. Moms guilt and comparison is so real.
I logically know that each kid is different and does things at their own pace. There is a range in which a baby will start to roll over, crawl, walk, talk, etc. Some babies crawl at 6 months and some not until 10 months. Some babies sleep through the night and take to their crib well. Other babies are up a lot at night and need to be soothed to sleep. It can be hard to not compare and wonder what you could have done better as a mom. If you see another baby mastering a new task before your baby does, that can really weigh on you. If you let it, it can lead to moms guilt and comparison.
I have recently found myself even comparing what baby products and toys I use, with other moms around me. Some of this comes down to preference babies have. Some babies like toys and gadgets more than others. Sometimes, if I see a mom with a really cool toy or product that their baby loves, I’ll compare myself. I’ll feel bad that I didn’t think about getting it, and that is so silly. Some of this is also being a first time mom. It is really hard to know what specific products and toys are the best to get for your baby. Every baby and mom are different. Just because one mom has different gadgets or toys than the other, isn’t a reason to compare yourself.
Moms guilt is something so real too. I am so fortunate to be home with my daughter right now. I get to spend so much time with her. This doesn’t mean I still don’t experience mom guilt. If I take my daughter along with me to run errands for example, I can find myself feeling guilty that it took away from play time for her. Or if we go to a restaurant and she is either unhappy by the end of the meal or by the end of the car ride home, I feel bad for making her do it.
It’s not like I’m torturing my baby and having her out all hours of the day and night. We spend most of our days playing at home, at the park, at baby classes/events or play dates with her little friends. And it is okay sometimes if she has to come along to run errands or do a task for me. My baby is the happiest little girl, and it is actually a good skill to teach her to be flexible and patient during different tasks or activities throughout the day.
Taking time for yourself can also be hard as a mom. I will find myself wanting a little break, even just 45 minutes to go on a run. Sometimes I will feel guilty for taking any time away from my daughter and also for having anyone else watch my baby. I know this is natural, and this feeling probably mainly comes from missing her. But, it is important to remind yourself that it is normal and really good for you and your baby to take breaks. As a mom, you are still a person and it doesn’t mean you are a bad mom if you do something for yourself.
Every good mom wants the best for their baby. This means doing what’s right for your baby, supporting their health, happiness and development. Time goes by so fast and our babies grow so fast. We work so hard to take good care of our kids, the goal should be to enjoy being with them and watching them grow. Slipping into mom guilt, overthinking and comparison only takes away from your enjoyment in the moment with your child. Keep your head up and remember you are a good mom – even if you’re a little different from your best mom friend.
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