I am a single mother. I was a single mom when my baby was born. And in reality, I knew it was a strong possibility that I was going to be a single mom during the majority of my pregnancy. It took me a little while to accept being a single mom and openly admit it to people who didn’t know my full story. This was partly because I hoped the situation would change, and there was a very short time where it seemed like that could be a possibility. But, it was very evident I was/am a single mom. Even though I then accepted it, I think I tried to subconsciously deny it by not openly discussing it with people.
Why was that so hard to fully accept being a single mom? After all, I was/am truly happy in my life. I’m not at all ashamed of my situation. I don’t feel like a failure and I don’t feel like my baby is missing out. I know the truth of my situation and why things are the way they are and I feel secure. My baby has and will have a wonderful life. There is so much love surrounding my baby at all times and she is the happiest little one. I know I am and always have been capable of being a mom, even without a partner. But still, something inside of me felt nervous to admit this out loud.
I think it’s also hard when it’s not at all how you thought your life would be. I was always very disciplined and did pretty much everything “the right way” when I was growing up. So naturally, I always pictured building my career, getting married, buying a house and then having children. Life didn’t go as planned, and that’s better than okay. I honestly wouldn’t trade my life now for what I thought it would be. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love being a mom and this journey has made me a better version of myself, made me stronger and made my life better overall.
Initially, when I would meet new people and start to share things about my life – I would avoid the topic. I am so proud of my daughter and to be a mom, and I loved talking about that part. But when it came to talking about family, living situation or “my husband” I wouldn’t say too much. I would never lie and say something that was false, but I also wouldn’t openly share much about my situation.
I think it felt hard because most of the people surrounding me were seemingly happily married and owned their own homes. It was also really hard because a lot of people around me had babies already and were pregnant again, continuing to grow their families. This was difficult because I love being a mom so much, I so badly wished that I was in a happy, loving relationship and having more babies.
I’m typically a pretty private person and I don’t always open right up and talk about myself. I kind of used this as an excuse to not share my personal information. I would think, “well it never really came up.” Sometimes this was/is true, there’s not always a great opportunity to make your personal details known. But, truth be told, I often used this as an excuse.
I remember a few months ago, I realized it was making me anxious in social situations to avoid sharing details about my situation. I felt like it also prevented me from making deeper connections and potential friendships with those around me. The next time the opportunity presented itself or someone asked me – I decided I was going to be so honest and upfront about it. I am proud of the mom I am and the life I am creating for my daughter – so why not express that? This really was so freeing.
Guess what happened the next time I openly shared more details with someone I didn’t know that well? They didn’t really care. And by that I mean, they didn’t judge or act like I was less than them. They continued to just have a normal and nice conversation with me. At that moment I realized I am never going to skirt around the topic again. And I also realized that had that person judged me, I wouldn’t have been bothered. If someone reacts negatively towards you in that type of situation – it’s a reflection of them and not you.
When you open up, people will also open up to you more. You’ll learn that everyone else’s life isn’t so perfect. There are a lot of people who have been a single mom or are a part of a blended family and you wouldn’t even know it.
There are still a lot of circumstances where I can open up even more. My goal is to be fully authentic and open up a little more initially. I’ll feel more free once the truth is out there and if people really judge me for that, then that’s their problem and not mine. Honestly, I don’t want to surround myself with people who don’t like or accept me for me.
I accept being a single mom. I am a single mom and I live at my parents house right now so I can work less and spend more time with my daughter. I’m proud of my daughter and my life. I didn’t become a mom in the way I always thought I would growing up, but life doesn’t always go according to your plans. I’ve shown myself that I am a great mom, no matter the circumstances. I am providing a loving, safe and secure environment for my daughter to grow up in. My daughter feels so much love around her and she is the happiest little baby. I feel so lucky to have my family – they have supported me in so many ways. Additionally, I feel so grateful for the growth I have personally experienced through becoming a mom.
If anyone judges your situation or your life – they don’t deserve to know you. Own it and accept being a single mom. Being a single mom is NOT something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. Being a good mom and loving your baby is something to be proud of. Own it!
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